The 3 Questions to Ask Someone in Chronic Pain and the 1 You Shouldn’t
Curiosity about people with disabilities is natural. Part of that curiosity comes from erasure in media, but it also comes from lack of daily experience with people different from us. This isn’t unique to disability obstacles, of course. Plenty of confusion and incredulity comes when people don’t know about something: Government policies, random trivia, and the proper ratio for the filling in deviled eggs, for example (one part yolk to two parts mayonnaise, generally speaking).
Growing up with cerebral palsy, people have always had a lot of questions for me.
“Is that leg really shorter?” (Yes)
“Do you have any drugs for me?” (No)
“Why are you crying?” (Existing is exhausting™)
“Will chocolate make it better?” (Usually)
I welcome questions, especially since my situation is a weird one. I present as very able, and I know it’s helpful on multiple levels: It cultivates awareness, it makes people question their assumptions, and 9/10 they’re glad for our interaction.
That said, there are some questions that are really painful for someone of any ability to hear, because chronic pain stings.
Here are three questions you should feel free to ask if you’re comfortable doing so, and the one you really shouldn’t. I’ve got a little tip on how to rework that one for the future, too. Thank you for reading!
1. Do you want to talk, or do you want to be distracted?
Just because it hurts and I’m upset doesn’t mean I want to talk about it. If I do, I’ll tell you. If I’d rather we make plans for this weekend or have you tell me your latest workplace drama, I’ll let you know.
